


Dear Olive, Part II

by VinHampton



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Child Loss, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Motherhood, Original Character(s), POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 04:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1730567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VinHampton/pseuds/VinHampton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vin reflects on the daughter she never had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Olive, Part II

Dear Olive,

You were almost mine for three weeks, and then you ceased to exist. But in those three weeks, real or not, you were my catalyst. In those 20 days I carried you in the womb of my mind, I became a mother. I saw it was possible of loving something so much you would fight for it until your last breath. My Olive, my little girl who never lived and never died, you were wanted. In those weeks, when I went to bed at night and pressed my hand to my stomach I was often overwhelmed by emotion, by thoughts, by fears I would not be good enough for you. But mostly I felt proud, proud to be carrying you, and excited about the light you would bring into my life. You would be half of me and half of the best man in the world, and you were mine, you were ours. 

Olive, I wish you were still here. You would be just almost five months old now. You would be a round bump; you would have perfect little hands and a grouchy little face. You would be kicking me, and I would be sitting for hours, following your movements with my hands. Or reading to you. Or listening to music with you. You might have liked it. Perhaps I might even have been able to convince your father to play for you. He would have said it was ridiculous, but he would have done it anyway, for me. For me and for you.

You would have liked him. You would have been just like him. He's terribly silly, but so very clever, and he would have loved you in his way. You would have been loved.

If you were still mine, we would be planning your first room. So many books, so many toys. I would have wanted to give you everything. 

We would have had Christmas together, you and I. And after lunch with our friends and family - the family we chose, who you would have liked - we would have curled up and watched The Wizard of Oz until we fell asleep. Olive, we would have done that every year; it would have been our little tradition. 

I am sorry I lost you. I am sorry I never had you.  
But I am thankful that you were there, for the shortest amount of time you were there. 

You gave me a new reason to fight, and for that I loved you. 

And now I will let you go.  
Sleep well, little monster. 

Mummy.


End file.
